In these busy times, who has the time to wait for their brain to atrophy naturally and slowly? Not me, that’s for sure! That’s why I like to read the Wall Street Journal. It gives my decaying mind the extra nudge off the precipice that it needs to prevent my fixedly vacant stare from sharpening up. My latest free-falling globule of spittle comes courtesy of this hearty brain-punch.
On Sunday, two former Treasury secretaries warned against introducing more federal stimulus. Former Clinton Treasury head Robert Rubin, appearing on CNN, said such a move would be “counter productive,” and that policy-makers instead should craft a deficit-reduction plan that would go into effect by the end of President Barack Obama’s term.
You can most-assuredly count on a brain cell massacre when an article about how anemic the post-crash economy is fails to identify Robert Rubin by his proper title: Monstrous Oligarch Technocrat Responsible For An Economic Cataclysm That Has Destroyed Millions of Lives (It is also to acceptable shorten this to “Devourer of Children’s Souls”). Instead the Journal, unflagging arbiter of truth and justice, just casually weaves him in as another policy-chirping bureacrat by referring to him simply as “Former Clinton Treasury.” Bob Rubin? Why, he’s just another respectable and intelligent statesmen furrowing his brow and expressing his deep concern about how “counter-productive” additional economic stimulus would be.* And I know he only has our best interest at heart, CUZ DA WOOL STREED JURNAL TOAL MEE SO!
You’d be right if you were to accuse me of shooting fish in a barrell when I say, “Hey, guys, I think that perhaps Wall Street Journal might be somewhat biased towards the financial elite.” But I’m currently stranded in glamorous Mahwah, New Jersey for some job training. And our hotel, which is in the fucking NYC metro area, lacks a complimentary New York Times (truly the souffle of the power-serving, establisment press). So I’m stuck with this silly fucking daily rag, along with a pair of glazed-over eyeballs.
*This, by the way, is an unbeliavable, jaw-droppingly ballsy claim. Pretty much the equivalent of pointing to a picture of a rectangle and confidently declaring “Triangle!”
